Wow did I have a great evening last night. I called my sister to see if she could give me a ride home from work only to find out that my mom and dad are fighting (no real big surprise there), but when she drops me off at my aunt’s (where I was staying again), I find out I’m a huge burden and apparently not worthy of my uncle’s couch. This is what happened (by the way, Kevin is my uncle’s name, though you’re smart and I’m sure you would’ve figured that out)
I knocked on the door because I forgot my keys in the house
Me: Sorry, I left my keys—
Kevin: Why did you come here?
Me: What do you mean?
Kevin: Why didn’t you go home?
Me: Because I don’t live there anymore.
Kevin: Why aren’t you going to your mom’s?
Me: Because I’m here, now, is that a problem?
Kevin shakes head yes: This is a living room, it’s not ‘Oh, there’s an empty couch,’ with you here there’s nowhere to sit. (The with you referring to the fact that my brother currently resides on their other couch and doesn’t have immediate plans to leave anytime soon, but who’s only been living there a few months as opposed to the two years I used to have on him)
Me already on the verge of tears: Fine, I’ll go to my mom’s.
Kevin: No, wait, sit down, (at this point I’m no longer quoting, so I may be changing what he said, I was upset and I’m bound to remember it differently than it happened)
Ok, apparently I’ve forgotten what happened after that exactly so I will no longer continue in script form. He said something to me and I said, I’ll go to my mom’s and as I was shutting the door I hear him say something along the lines of “You can be mad if you want…” and then the door was shut.
So as soon as I had closed the door, I burst into tears and walked to my mom’s house crying. I went upstairs to my Kelly’s room (the fourteen-year-old) and she was like what’s wrong? But I was so upset I couldn’t talk for a few minutes. My mom finally comes into the room also wanting to know what had happened and why I’m crying into my little sister’s shoulder, so I tell them and my mom says that’s ok, you can come here and I say but that’s the point, mom, I don’t feel welcome here.
My mom disappears and comes in a few minutes later with Jennifer and I tell her what happened and she is so angry that she calls Kevin. He said that I should go to my mom’s because my mom said I was welcome back any time I wanted, the problem with that being that it isn’t true. Danny knows this, but I have never felt like I belonged to my family, my whole childhood they all ridiculed me, including my parents (explain why I have such a loving relationship with them at all?), so I don’t feel I belong with them anyway, on top of that I WAS KICKED OUT, I will never feel welcome there, you know?
So I guess I’m at my mom’s for a little while, but it can’t be for long, I’ll do something drastic before I allow that to happen. My sister is moving to Mexico, maybe I can go with and get a job at a tourist city, I speak enough Spanish to get around and the tourist cities need English speakers anyway…I don’t know, you guys…but this really hurts…a lot
Suz, call me, I didn’t call you yesterday because I knew I would start crying and it’s bad enough we can never hear each other because of the signal in your dorm, but with me sobbing, you also wouldn’t have been able to understand me. I love you, honey.
P.S. Tammy, this means I probably can't go to your dance, I'm going to spend as little money as humanly possible, so at this moment, that means not going to Wisconsin, sorry, but I still love you, hon.
Missa, I was hoping you would call me back, I didn't think anyone else would have given you an answer as good as mine, especially because it was in quote form! !
Jess, I finally finished the book I borrowed from you, man, am I slow or what? I really liked it, though, I'm going to get America: The book this week, so yay!!
