so when i left jess last night i felt like crying, not all that sure why but i wrote this big, long entryin the journal that i started and i was originally planning to put the whole thing in my blog, but i wrote a lot that needen't be in here, so i am going to edit it a bit, but for the most part, this is what i wrote:
So I've finally whipped out the old book again. I needed to blog, but I'll put it in there later, Jess and I did some bonding. I honestly cried when i came home. Had my WHOLE FAMILY not been up when I got home, I would have cried for a while, cuz I was tearing up when i ws walking up my stairs. The thing is while i talk to everyone about everything, there's no one there to tell everything. NO one personn, you know? Sometimes I feel like such a loser, I mean, Here i am, on my porch eating Pringles CHEEZUMS and drinking water, writing in the journal that i only started because I felt I couldn't blog about my crush on nicole, after a strange but somehow good chat with jess and i feel like crying I think it is in a good way, but im not sure. NOw i know that nicole will get all offended because shes my heart buddy and all, but when i was talking to jess it made me realize that i need someone who i can talk to like that, i used to talk to ada, but shes in Germany, while im not quite sure that jess and i really wil have a genuine conversation ever again, i am glad it happened, i offer an ear to anyone who needs it, but i rarely take one when offered in return. I dont like being hurt and i have learned that when you open up, thats exactly what happens, (funny how i can be so open in my blog, then right?) when i blog, though, its like when i used to write my poems, when i write, its for me, afterward anyone is free to read them, i dont care, but im never the same person who wrote it at any other time. when i blog i blog to me, you know? other people just happen to read it and i dont even know who does read it, that is an added bonus. ok, so im going to read this journal for a sec and see what i wrote about...6 minutes later...i lied, this book wasnt started because of nicole, it was started because i was depressed and the bulimia was really bad, though nicole did show up by the second post, granted it was almost 10 days later and i was over the depression by then, but the day i started it was another jess day, though we really didnt talk then, that was a day i came home depressed, maybe i should stop talking to her. solid crush though, march 8 to may 26 was my crush on nicole, not bad, right? (p.s.) the reason i know it started March 8 is because i met a now infamous hill the next day! ok im done
:yeah i wrote for a long time, but what are you going to do, right?