Tell me what to do.
Seriously.
Sharon talked to me today about my wanting to leave.
I hate that I am so torn, but I think that shows exactly how much this job has meant to me and for the most part, does mean to me.
I've learned that I can't speak about this. It all comes out in tears, likes and ums.
But I can blog and I will.
I hate that I don't know who to talk to. Sharon said that despite what I think, I do have Bethany to talk to, but I don't know if that's true and I don't know if I want it to be.
Bethany drives me nuts sometimes, when I hear her talk about her huge problems all I can think is, try one day in my life. But the frivolity and childishness can be fun at times as well.
I don't want to talk to her in any kind of serious way, frankly, I don't want to talk to any of them in any kind of serious way, I just want to be able to say "Hi" without wondering if they are trying to figure out why I am talking to them. I want to feel like I can say stuff to people and i don't feel that way, I feel like I have to be guarded all times when I'm at work and I hate that. I used to be this way when I was a kid, you know, when I was made fun of all of the time. I was able to get over caring about what other people thought in high school (odd, huh? that's when most people start to care) and I have retained that mentality, but that is not the issue right now. I don't care whether anyone finds what I have on to be lower than their standards of greatness.
Sharon did mention that at Kimikai's work baby shower there were only about 6 people who showed up, which amused me. She said that she and Cassandra kept whispering to each other about the gifts that she did receive and the whole thing felt really awkward.
She mentioned something that I've already thought about-taking a few days off to think about it. Maybe I will, she said and I quote "You have accumulated enough vacation time to take two days off a week if you wanted," not that I want that, but it was amusing.
I'm still wondering how Rosemary knew I wanted to leave...
Tell me what I should do.
No.
Tell me what you think. I want to think about it and while I know you already feel as if I need to go, something makes me not want to.
I have been here almost two years, I have been treated very well. This is my first serious job, so I may just feel some loyalty for that reason, but I do truly love this company, so maybe it's something more than that.
this is a long post, I apologize, I wanted to call, but that wasn't really an option.
?
Seriously.
Sharon talked to me today about my wanting to leave.
I hate that I am so torn, but I think that shows exactly how much this job has meant to me and for the most part, does mean to me.
I've learned that I can't speak about this. It all comes out in tears, likes and ums.
But I can blog and I will.
I hate that I don't know who to talk to. Sharon said that despite what I think, I do have Bethany to talk to, but I don't know if that's true and I don't know if I want it to be.
Bethany drives me nuts sometimes, when I hear her talk about her huge problems all I can think is, try one day in my life. But the frivolity and childishness can be fun at times as well.
I don't want to talk to her in any kind of serious way, frankly, I don't want to talk to any of them in any kind of serious way, I just want to be able to say "Hi" without wondering if they are trying to figure out why I am talking to them. I want to feel like I can say stuff to people and i don't feel that way, I feel like I have to be guarded all times when I'm at work and I hate that. I used to be this way when I was a kid, you know, when I was made fun of all of the time. I was able to get over caring about what other people thought in high school (odd, huh? that's when most people start to care) and I have retained that mentality, but that is not the issue right now. I don't care whether anyone finds what I have on to be lower than their standards of greatness.
Sharon did mention that at Kimikai's work baby shower there were only about 6 people who showed up, which amused me. She said that she and Cassandra kept whispering to each other about the gifts that she did receive and the whole thing felt really awkward.
She mentioned something that I've already thought about-taking a few days off to think about it. Maybe I will, she said and I quote "You have accumulated enough vacation time to take two days off a week if you wanted," not that I want that, but it was amusing.
I'm still wondering how Rosemary knew I wanted to leave...
Tell me what I should do.
No.
Tell me what you think. I want to think about it and while I know you already feel as if I need to go, something makes me not want to.
I have been here almost two years, I have been treated very well. This is my first serious job, so I may just feel some loyalty for that reason, but I do truly love this company, so maybe it's something more than that.
this is a long post, I apologize, I wanted to call, but that wasn't really an option.
?
posted by Kathy at
2:04 PM
1 Comments:
I wish I could tell you what to do, but honestly, I think I'd be just as torn as you are with this situation. I'm sorry you have to go through this. In a way, I think all offices have at least some degree of cattiness. I mean, I struggle with thoughts of quitting my job for similar reasons. It just feels like I'm constantly being attacked for stupid reasons. But I think your situation is much more complicated, especially considering you work almost every day and you don't have the time to cool off and wind down and really sit and think things out. Anyway, we can talk about it later. I know you're stressing. But a good way to destress would be to sit on the couch, eat chilli dip, and watch Grey's Anatomy for 2 hours. Love ya lots and hang in there. And no matter what happens, don't forget, you still got your hottness going for you. :)
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