wow did I have a fun night...

No I'll start with the conference...

I had a blast. I met a lot of really cool people and I am super-glad that I went to it. Jess and I hung out a little on friday and then we went to a dance on Saturday and hung out some there as well. Actually, at the dance I kinda hung out with everyone, including random people that I didn't know...At one point Tammy had disappeared with Maureen and I was like OK, moved up on the dance floor and started grinding with this random boy, it was so funny!!!

We went to a session with a librarian named Debra Davis, she's the first person in high school ever to have successfully switch her sex. She said it happened over a weekend because her higher ups had gotten wind of it and they didn't know what to do. She was talking about how some people were just like..."whatever", but she had a few that were really cool. There was a girl who came up to her counter at the library and just put her head in her hands and stared at her...and eventually said, "you know, you're the same person" and she said "Yes I am". There was also a jock who came up to her counter and we like "Hi, Ms. Davis, do you think you'll need any help to your car? Because if anything happens I can make sure you get to your car ok." To which of course she said no. Thank you, but no. She was amazing, I really liked her... she has a site... debradavis.org that you can read about her coming out and stuff.

ok, then sunday happened. Tammy met this girl and they were talking and they kinda like/d each other...anyway jess came up to me because we were going to see the same person speak and she was like...

Jess:My aren't they friendly?
Gurrty:Stop
Jess:What?
G:Stop, just stop. You both need to stop doing this to each other. You need to get over yourself...blah blah blah
J: whatever (and stormed away)

I felt really bad because I didn't mean to hurt her feelings, but it's the truth. She cares about Tammy, I have no doubt about that, but when she has her, she loses interest or hates herself for it, but then when Tammy seems interested in someone else, she flips out and is in love with her again. The problem is the cycle will and has only continued to hurt both of them. She thinks I have sided with Tammy and maybe I have. In my mind, Tammy and I have been friends longer. I have known jess longer, but we were not friends for a lot of it and then I completely stopped feeling like she was a friend when she started hanging with Tammy, so I bonded with her, Jess and I started to become friends again when she and stamer started to go to shit. Maybe that wasnt entirely why, but thats what happened...she had less people to turn to so she bumbed me up a notch on her list of people to call when she needed to vent or to talk....this summer the person that I realized that I cared about the most is danny...i know that danny and i will be friends for our entire lives...i never felt that way with jess or stamer...

tammy said she doesnt think that i should post how I actually feel, but i disagree, i told jess last night how i felt and i talked to stamer for a while (online for both) i was drunk, but i know what i said and i meant it when i said it. jess ended up just signing off because she "didnt expect this from me" and the reason that she and tammy fucked up the first time was because her "friends got involved" which is funny, cuz i didnt think that was entirely the case...whatever.

mom...remember when i said that i wouldnt tell jess that? this is kinda why...but at the same time...i dont know that i care...if she ever gets over herself enough to realize what i said was true, maybe she'll...who am i kidding? I dont think she will.